My job

Every day I come to my job knowing what I am dealing with. Today is no different. I handle all of the female defendant's who live here in Childress County. My job is not always easy, and this I know. I know there will be those that I want to succeed when they don't want to and then those who finally do overcome. A couple of years ago, right after Ryan and I met, was my first hard day. I had been at the office and a girl (I say girl because she has the maturity level of a girl) comes in with two of her three children at the time. The baby had soured milk in his bottle, was dirty and just about to fall asleep. The other toddler was just a filthy and tired. We arrested the mother that day and the children were given to her grandmother who had her oldest son. My heart was heavy that day because to see those children, who were neglected just so their mom could get her high. Innocent children.

Today, I went looking for one of my girls. I found her and her children at home. The children sleep on a fold-away bed in the living room. The mom's bedroom door is locked. The youngest child happens to be in Tanner's class, and he is a good kid. He is also the one who answered the door. He tried three times to get his mom up. I finally had to go to the door and bang on the door and told her I needed to talk to her. She gets up and what I see, just disgusts me. She has lost even more weight since the last time I saw her a week ago, she has sores on her arms and looks like a meth head, eyes sucken in, all of it. She said please don't tell my kids. The sad part is, I don't have to tell the kids, they know just by the way she acts that she is back on drugs. My heart is heavy right now and I can't get those boys out of my head. I wrestle with what to do. Not as far as my job goes, but as far as being a parent. I want so bad to take those kids in and give them things I know they will never have, but because of my job, I can't take those kids. I have to let someone else take them and hope they are taken care of. These few instances are heavy to deal with. These are the times when you see the kids suffer. They have no choice, no voice and no one to stand up for them at home.