Thursday, April 14, 2011

Tanner is 10!

Happy Happy Birthday to my sweet son!!

I have wrote this, re-wrote this, edited it and his birthday has come and gone and I am still struggling. I was not crying when he went to pre-school, or his last day of pre-school, or his first day of kindergarten. But I am crying now. Why now? I have no idea. I guess I didn't realize how fast these 10 years have flown by. He is still suppose to be a little boy. Not necessarily a baby, but my sweet little round faced boy.
Tanner slept with my dad holding him every night for the first 6 weeks of his life...

I am a very blessed mother to have him as an amazing son! I truly do not know what I would have done without him. In a lot of ways, he is my guardian angel. That sounds crazy, but when I had him I was not in a good place. I knew though, that I would be better and we would accomplish a lot in his lifetime and so far we have!!

He is smart and funny and a compassionate son. He loves his sister even, when she is not so nice to him. His imagination is always going. He loves reading and writing books and is a pretty good artist. I am very thankful for him and his kind heart and gentle spirit.

Tanner, I hope you had a wonderful day! You are very special to me and I love you more than you will ever know!!

Monday, April 4, 2011


Have you ever had those moments when you realize things are going too fast? Or your kids are really growing up without realizing they are growing up? I have had a few moments here or there and it really hit home when my dad and I were talking about plans.

The first time it hit me was about two years ago when I was buying shoes for Tanner. We had gone to the boys section to try on shoes, only for me to realize he was no longer in boys shoes, but mens. AHHHH!!! Not only did the price shock me, but so did his excitement. He was soooo excited that he was no longer in "boys" shoes. What? You have to stay in boys size shoes til you get to Jr. High, at least. Yea, that didn't happen.

Next shock was last year buying clothes for my sweet baby Ella. She went from toddlers to girls. I was ok with Tanner going from toddlers to boys sizes but not my Ella. She is suppose to be my sweet little baby who never grows up. Well, this weekend, as I was shopping for her some more clothes, my heart sank even more. She is not even in elementary and she is already growing way faster than I want her too. I would go to pick up the smaller sizes and realize they are too short and not big enough.

A few weeks ago this really hit home. HARD!! My dad and I were talking about their house. The kids and I are going to live in their house til dad retires in 10 years. After that, I'm hoping I will find something and they will move back and I will be able to either build(yea right!) or find something that fits us. Anyway, I was thinking that would be great. I'll have money saved, Tanner will be graduated, Ella will be 15 and wait.....Tanner will be graduated? Ella 15? Are you kidding me? NOOOOO!!! I don't want that to happen. Yes. Reality hit me hard that I have had Tanner for 10 years and in another 10 years he will probably be gone. Oh my heart broke. I know it is crazy and I love every minute I have with my kids, but I wasn't ready to come to terms with that just yet.

I guess, I have been thinking a lot about the kids and our future and am not really dealing well right now with them growing up. Don't get me wrong, I love that they are growing up and I want them to grow up to see who and what they become. But I don't know how my parents or anyone does it. Sometimes it breaks my heart, but to see who they are becoming brings me so much joy. Just wish it wasn't going so stinkin fast.