Time Passing Too Fast

I know that time starts flying in about April. We have birthdays, Easter, and start to the end of school activities. This year seems to be going faster than I want. Tanner has been interested in hunting and shooting. Since I carry and I have been around guns all of my life, Tanner has asked more questions and has shown an interest in shooting. So my dad and I took Tanner out to shoot and considering how hard the wind was blowing he did really well for his first time out. He asked if he could go back out again. While we were shooting I left my camera in the care of my daughter. I haven't decided if that is a good thing yet or not. ha!

Beginning in April we have birthday parties and Easter parties and Easter. This year, my dad's birthday, Tanner's birthday and Easter all fell within a week. I also did Ella's star attraction around the end of March which was a week before. She does enjoy being the center of attention at home, but at school is a little different. This year, her dad was given the privilege of reading to them instead of me!

Easter hunts and easter baskets filled with goodies and candy!

Then birthday fun! This year Tanner wanted to invite a few friends to go eat pizza and bowl. So two of his friends went with us and I had so much fun listening to their conversations. They were even super good with Ella, helping her bowl and even letting her sit with them.

We cannot forget gymnastic recitals and end of year parties. Ella had so much fun at gymnastics and enjoys going.

Ella's last day at Ms. Angie's was harder than I expected. This is her last year with Ms. Angie before starting kindergarten and we have enjoyed our days with her.

This is also Tanner's last year of elementary. He will start Jr. High next year and I really don't know how I feel about that yet. I let Ella take pictures of his last playday.

Two weeks ago we had Ella's graduation and it is official, she is a kindergartner. My baby isn't a baby anymore, but she is becoming a beautiful girl!!

This Thursday is Tanner's Walk of Fame through the halls of the elementary. He is growing and becoming a handsome man whether I like it or not. I just hope I give him the right guidance for his life. So this has been our two months in a nut shell. Enjoy your summer as we will and be safe!!

Faith

I have posted lots of blogs and most are up beat. But let's get real. Life isn't always up beat. Not that my life is bad nor that it is not great, but there are times where I struggle. In the past year I have been brutally honest with myself and took a hard look at where I needed to be and to be honest, I have struggled with it. Financially, emotionally, physically and spirtually. However, I am coming around a curve and I see this beautiful light at the end of where I want to go, but there are hills and right now, I am still struggling spirtually.

I was born and raised in church and when I went to college I attended church but not like I should have been and was no where close to where I needed to be in my faith. I struggled and saw the light after my son was born and began the journey to where I should have been. Along the way, I lost sight again. As a family we had trials and I was working on trying to put our life as a family in God's hands. Wow, talk about a test of my faith. I struggled then and struggled for a long time after. Then another chapter in our life began. I started putting God back into my life with me and the kids and really started digging deep. I have really started talking to God and asking for his help. I have seen his answers and proof that God has been working in my life. Believe me, I know and thank him daily for my beautiful, healthy kids, my amazing and loving family. I am healthy enough to work 2 jobs to provide for my family and have been fortunate enough to have a house that keeps us warm and shelter from the storms. My attitude on life has changed. I ask for help in being a more positive role model for my kids and be the best possible mother for them. Believe me when I say, I know God is working in me, because I'm not as stressed out as I used to be and the kids see me laugh, which used to not happen too often, but now is a daily occurence.

I say that to say, that when I am struggling spirtually it is because of my relationships with others. It is how many times do I continue to turn my other cheek just to have it happen again? How many times do I continue to forgive or at some point do I completly walk away? I know He instructs us to forgive but I question if I am a fool for continuing to forgive and turn the other cheek? I feel like the people I forgive think it's ok to continue to do the things they do and expect me to forgive them because I have done so in the past or I have turned the other cheek.

I also struggle with casting all my worries on Him because I feel some of my worries are no where near as important as a little boy who is fighting for his life. Or for the mother who wishes for a child. I feel like I am being so selfish for worrying and asking for help when there are others struggling more than I am. I have prayed and am continuing to pray and asking for guidance. I have faith that one day I won't be struggling with this and I know that, but it seems to be what I struggle with the most.

But I am not taking for granted the beautiful life he has provided for me and thank Him for ALL the amazing blessings in my life.

My Promise

My promise to my kids is that I will be your mom and I will love you until the day I die. I will do the best I can to provide for you both. I will kiss you goodnight. We will say bedtime prayers. We will give thanks for what we have and cherish the time we get to be together. I will be cheering you on and comforting you when you are sad. I will help with your homework as long as I can and I will wait up til you come home. I will worry til I know you are safe. We will be a family and we will go to church. We will laugh and have fun.

I am not perfect by any means. I will forget packing pajamas or toothbrushes (because I forget my own!). I will not always have the right answer. I will be wrong at times. I will make mistakes and for that I am sorry. I'm not the smartest person out there, but I will do my best to help you figure it out. I may get tired but it doesn't mean I don't want to sit with you and read with you. We may not have everything, but we have everything we need.

Always remember, you are MY CHILDREN and I LOVE YOU more than you will ever know!

2011

Where oh where did 2011 go so quickly?

2009 and 2010 were hard years for us. We had some losses and trials but it only prepared us to be more grateful when things were well. 2011 was a good year for us. Don't get me wrong, we had our share of trials and sadness, but we accepted it and moved forward and had an amazing year. We started off with tea parties and prayers before every tea party! (thank you Ms. Angie!!)

We were abe to spend lots of time with family and meet family we have yet to meet in person! My aunt, my cousin, her boyfriend and their daughter all came to the states and oh my, to be worlds apart, I know 2 little girls who are very much alike!!

This was the first year for Ella to play tball. However, she is a girly girl and thought she should be able to play in a dress and flip flops. Her dad was not impressed and neither was her Poppa! She begrudingly wore shorts, socks and athletic shoes.

Tanner got a taste of being in the audience and cheering for his sister. He was very gracious and always positive for her! (one of many reasons he is so special)

We spent most of our summer swimming and got to get away for a nice relaxing trip to the beach! Tanner LOVED the ocean and Ella LOVED the sand! Hopefully we will be able to plan a trip soon to an amazing beach!!

We got back from vacation and had a few more weeks to relax before starting our year of lasts. This part has been hard for me. Tanner started his last year of elementary and I don't know if I'm ready for him to start Jr. High. I guess I feel like I blinked and his years have passed me by. He is growing and changing and becoming sooooo awesome. Makes my heart proud that he is kind, considerate, respectful, driven and loving as he is. He has also gone through a growth spurt and is almost as tall as I am (eeek!)

Not only is it Tanner's last year in elementary, but it's Ella's last year at Ms. Angie's. I know I will miss her tremendously and have loved that we were fortunate enough to have Ms. Angie as a teacher and amazing person in both of my children's lives. Not that we won't ever see her, but she has taught my children and has helped shape them into the people they will become and I will miss her! And I do have to add, that I was afraid that we wouldn't ever break through Ella's stubborness, but alas we have and I am truly grateful that we had someone patient enough to do just that (because my patience was almost out!)

We also got to have another year of Tanner playing flag football. I love watching him play.

It seems like since school started we have been running here and there and everywhere. We have been busy. It seems like soon after school started Tanner started gearing up for UIL. He stayed late everyday after school and worked hard as well as his teachers and their hard work paid off. He placed first in two events and his team placed first in two events. He was upset because the events he wanted to place in he didn't place. I told him that he still did an awesome job and we (all of his family) were very proud of him.

We are ending the year quietly and that is just fine with me. I have a full and joyful heart for the wonderful year we have had and cannot wait to see what the New Year has in store for us. I have decided not to make resolutions as I usually don't keep them but I did promise myself that we would have another amazing year. We would still have each other, love, happiness and prosper.

From my family to you and yours, We wish you a Prosperous, Blessed and Happy New Year!!

Thankful

Thanksgiving brings up a time of thankfulness. I heard what if God only allowed you to have the things you thanked him for the night before. I heard this several months ago and really took it to heart. So every night in my prayers I thank God for all the many amazing blessings he has given me.

~I am thankful for God's mercies, forgiveness, love, patience, understanding that he so freely gives
~I am thankful for my children
~I am thankful God thought enough of me to be their mom and to try to guide, love and support them daily
~I am thankful for my parents who have been so loving, caring, giving and supportive
~I am thankful for my sister and her family whom I adore and love
~I am thankful for grandmothers and my great grandmother who have taught me how to laugh, especially my great grandmother
~I am thankful for my family
~I am thankful for my friends, my true friends love me as much as I love them and don't judge me
~I am thankful that I am able to work and that I have two jobs to help take care of my kids
~I am thankful that my children are healthy
~I am thankful I am healthy
~I am thankful that I have a roof over my head
~I am thankful that I have a car that can take my children where they need to go
~I am thankful to be able to provide food for my family
~I am thankful for the troops who fight daily for our freedoms and make sacrifices so we can live in the land of the free
~I am thankful for the family of troops who make just as many sacrifices as their loved ones who are fighting for our country
~I am thankful that I can attend church without fear of persecution
~I am thankful there are people who love my children as much as I do
~I am thankful that I can laugh, and talk, and see and hear

These are a few of the things I thank God for every night in my prayers to him. From my family to you and yours, Happy Thanksgiving and many many blessings!!

12 Steps

The other night I was watching a show that was dealing with drug addicts and alcoholics. I love watching these shows because in my every day job I typically spend a lot of time trying to help them and I like watching other people's stories with whom I am not connected. That night they were revisiting some of the addicts 150 days out of rehab. One guy said that he had a hard time in the past remaining sober, but this time he realized he never admitted he was powerless. For what ever reason that stuck with me. The next morning I woke up and while I was taking a shower I remembered him saying that and realized that it applies to life in general. Then I started thinking about the 12 steps of AA. I kind of knew the steps because let's face it, I deal with people in treatment and I deal with their treatment process. But as I was standing in the shower, I was slowly realizing how the 12 steps of AA can be applied to life.

1. Admit we are powerless over alcohol-that our lives have become unmanageable. 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. 5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. 6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. 7. Humbly ask Him to remove our shortcomings. 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. 9. Made direct amends to such people where ever possible except when to do so would injure them or others. 10. Continue to take personal inventory and when we are wrong promptly admit it. 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, try to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

If you take out alcohol or addiction, to me these are steps for daily life as well. I am powerless and I know there is a Power greater than myself who can restore my sanity. I am making a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God. I may not like to make a moral inventory of myself, but in order to become who I need to be I know this is a must. I know I have been wrong and have stumbled through life and am ready to have God remove all these defects of my character. I humbly ask him daily to remove my shortcomings. As a Christian I need to look to make amends with those I have hurt and be willing to be Christ like every day. I know I need to take personal inventory daily and be willing to admit when I am wrong and be willing to pray daily and talk with God daily. After learning and continuing to learn I realize there are many more lost souls who need to hear God's word and I know I need to apply the principles I have learned into my daily life.

I by no means am perfect or want to be. I just want to be the best person, mother, daughter, sister I can. I really have no explanation for why they clicked with me when they did. But it's kind of like a light turned on. There was a reason why I was watching what I was watching. Please understand that this is just my way of seeing things I needed to be seeing. That this is kind of my "AHA" moment. I have been studying and reading and learning and talking about my faith and my religion and I am sure I will have many more of those moments and I welcome them with open arms. I have had several of those moments already and each one prepares me for the next. I must say, I feel more at peace every day with my daily struggles.

It's Just Ella!

Yes, I know this is a little late and yes I know I should have gotten this done sooner, and there is no excuse....so this is about my Ella and her birthday!

I should have known when she was born that she would do things in her own time. After all, I labored for 18 hours before a c-section had to be done, hoping for an answer for why she wouldn't come....she wasn't ready. Should have known then that my precious baby would do things her way and not a moment before she is ready.



And when she got here, she let everyone know she what she thought and her ever faithful brother there to console her. Much like today, he is the first to her when she cries, the first to hug her and ask what is wrong. And she will be the one who will always voice her opinion whether you like what she says or not....It's just Ella.

She is a talker when she is ready to talk. She will follow me through the house as I'm cleaning or doing laundry always telling me stories and what I wouldn't give sometimes for 5 seconds of peace, but .....it's just Ella.



She loves to be silly and dress up. She loves to always climb in my lap and give me a hug, rough sometimes, but a hug just the same. And I will gladly take them any day or time.....


I love that she has a sense of adventure and that she isn't afraid of too many new things. She is willing to take on challenges, on her terms of course. However, if she doesn't, well don't even try to persuade her, because, well, it's just Ella and there is nothing that will change her mind....



It's not that it's JUST Ella, it is just who she is plain and simple. I wouldn't trade my sassy, strong-willed, opinionated, adventurous, silly loving girl for the entire world...No words can fully describe her except....ELLA!!!


Happy Birthday sweet sweet girl! I love you to the moon and back!