Greetings from Colorado

Hello!! I just wanted to make a quick post and tell everyone that Colorado has been pretty chilly and wet. We left 7 hours prior to our original departure time. Ryan and I decided to leave while the kids slept, so that meant we drove all night!! We pulled out of Childress at 10pm and arrived in South Fork, CO at 5:30am. I was good until we got to Dumas and I was beginning to crash. Ryan was hyped up on Red Bulls. About 5 minutes after he would drink one, he would be wired like he was on crack...He would start fidgeting and scratching!! That is what was keeping me awake, laughing at my husband. His parents were up when we arrived and very surprised to see us. We then went to eat and Ryan and I crashed for about 2 hours after that.
Yesterday was my day with Ryan and we had a great time. We got to eat good food and enjoyed a great movie. Today, they tried to fish while I was keeping Ella out of the water. She wanted to go swimming and pet the fish, but she didn't want to get in the cold water. She even tried to fish with her "Pap"(Pacifier) She would dangle it over the water and say "Here fish." We got to eat before the rain set back in again today. The weather has been wonderful and we are enjoying ourselves. I will post some pics once we get back.

Busy Saturday

Do you remember me telling you that we were sent home with a box from Ryan's mom's house? Well, I had taken this picture and forgotten about it until I started downloading it from my camera. In the box that was sent was this wrap around towel/robe that was given to Ryan. Tanner saw it and thought it was too cool. So now after a shower, he proudly sports his dad's wrap!!

We had a great weekend. We didn't have much to do on Friday. We went and ate supper, then we took the kids to the park. Ella quickly figured out how to crawl up the rock formation and slide down the slide!! It bothered me to have her climbing by herself, but she was determined to do it!! Tanner got a surprise at the park. One of his friends, Caleb showed up at the park. He was pumped. He got to play with one of his friends. However, instead of playing, they were talking. Talking about what? That was my question. I said, why were you talking about Pokemon? He said we weren't mom, we were talking about how to make money without having a business or company. What? Where did that come from? And why would you be trying to figure out how to make money without a business? He started explaining it, and at one point I quit listening. My mind was blown that instead of talking about toys, or things they have done this summer, they are already trying to figure out how to make money!!
Saturday was a busy day for us. We got up early to go eat breakfast with my parents. Ella had to call! Then after breakfast, we head down to the football field for Tanner to run in the 50 yard dash. I know, I would like to say that I am a runner, but after HAVING to do it in high school I just don't have the passion to do that anymore. I admire those of you who do, I think it is awesome! So Tanner, who after much taunting from his dad, wins the race and promptly goes over to him and says, "See, I'm not that slow Dad!" He was pumped because he proved his dad wrong!!
After the dash, we headed down to the Index so we can watch the Old Settler's Parade. We get there early, so hopefully, we can have some space where the kids can actually watch the parade in the shade this year. The kids enjoyed the parade and got a lot of candy to eat!! Not that they needed any, but still all of them got quite a bit.
Next was a small birthday party for Ella. She got probably everything she could want. She got some dress up clothes, a baby doll, some My Little Pony's, and clothes. Yea!! Some of this will be able to go to Colorado with us!! As soon as she was finished opening presents, she had to put on her dress up stuff. So we got all decked out with a tutu, slippers, wings, wand, necklace, bracelet, ring and tiara, all over her swimsuit. It was too cute. Then she goes back outside and wants to get in the pool with all of her stuff on. I had to take it off, so she could get back in. Anyway, my grandmother, who is 88 years old got to come to the party too. As we are cleaning up, Mama, goes inside with Ella and Ella goes straight for her trunk of clothes. Mama had to help her get all dressed up again. I don't know who had more fun. Ella or Mama. They both enjoyed helping each other out.
We were even able to spend some time that night with a few friends of ours. We had a great time getting to just sit down and talk with them. We really had an awesome weekend. We were fortunate enough to see lots of our friends and had a great time for Ella's birthday.

I almost forgot. Ryan is super excited. When we get back from Colorado, he will be able to go pick up his car!! He is so pumped about getting it. He got a phone call Saturday saying that it will be here and to come and get it!! Oh, he was like a little kid in the candy store!!

Mini vacation

Ryan and I kind of had a mini vacation this weekend. It was awesome and we stayed right here in Childress!! Thursday, my mom asks me if she can take the kids to her family reunion. She knew I needed to work on the house and wanted to help me out. So Friday, I get off work, pack the kids up and Ryan and I are wondering what we are going to do for the next two days. Well, one day, we knew we would be working, but that is A LOT of time with just the two of us!! Especially when we are used to having them at home. About 6 Ryan and I are discussing what we are going to eat tonight. He says, let's go to El Sombrero. So we go, and come home. We were in and out in an hour on a Friday night!! We had a couple of movies from netflix and we decided we would watch one of them. I told him I wanted to relax and take a bath first. I did, and it was so crazy, I could actually shut the bathroom door and not be distrubed! Ryan kept walking by the bathroom to make sure I was ok!! We finally started our movie and went to bed late!!

The next morning we wake up at the usual time, 7:00 am. Our house is quiet, no children up watching tv, no one crying for momma. I felt like I was in another place. Ryan goes ahead and gets up, me on the other hand, roll over and go back to sleep. I got to sleep late!! I was super excited. I finally wake up and roll out of bed at 10:00am! Then comes what I have been dreading to do. I head over to our rent house and start cleaning. Let's just say, I wound up disgusted and almost threw up myself over the filth of the house. Anyway, we finally get the house cleaned and go home.

We get home and I told Ryan, I wanted to take another bath. I got two baths!! Not just a shower, but a nice relaxing bath!! I thought I was in heaven!! I put on my pj's and got comfortable. Ryan then tells me to get dressed, he wanted to go for a ride. So we did. By this time, my arms are starting to feel empty. I didn't tell him that though. He seemed to enjoy the peace. Our ride ends up in the cemetary. It was pretty neat. We were looking for his grandparents grave and we were just driving around looking at the other gravestones. By one of the trees I asked Ryan to stop. He did and I get out to look for my grandfathers grave. We find it and Ryan noticed something. My mom had told me last year about it, but I let it slip my mind. Ryan and I, were married on my grandfather's birthday. I asked mom why she didn't tell me that when we got married. She never answered my question. Someting else I had forgotten about was my nephews middle name. It just so happens to be my grandfather's middle name. My mom didn't tell my sister until a few years later. It is weird how we chose those things without knowing. We also found my other grandfather and my great grandparents graves as well. We kept looking for his and finally gave up and looked in the book that they have (we should have done it earlier, but we didn't!). We go look at where his grandparents are buried. We also found his other grandfather's grave as well. By this time it is getting dark so we head home.

We eventually go to bed and Ryan gets up at the usual time. I tell him not to let me sleep past 9:00am, roll over and go back to sleep. After I get up, we go eat and come home. I know the kids are coming home today, so I start cleaning, and Ryan even helped me!! We get the house cleaned and I start wondering what to do next. Yes, I had laundry going and was folding clothes, but I didn't have anything else to do in between loads. It was amazing!!

The kids come home and as I go to get them out of the car, I hear Ella screaming and crying. She did not want to come home. She wants to go to my sister's house. I have to literally drag her out of the car seat kicking and screaming. Her once fixed hair is now down all around her face. Tanner looks at me like mom, get her to hush!! We finally get inside and get their stuff out of my parent's truck and they sneak off. Ella finally settles down and starts to play with her toys in her room. My house is no longer empty, or quiet. I do not know what I am going to do, when my kids leave home. Ryan and I talked about that last night, as we are watching Gene Simmons. I laughed because Ryan will be the one who will follow the kids, like Gene did last night.

I needed that time without the kids. Even though I was busy cleaning and working, I needed that time with my husband. It gave me just enough energy to make it two more weeks. We enjoyed ourselves and are ready to go on vacation now!

Light at the end of the tunnel

There is light at the end of the tunnel. Late yesterday before I left work, one of my guys showed up. A little background on him. He has been on probation for 5 years, which he only should have been on for 3, but with all of his screw ups he is still working through it. Last September, after numerous attempts to do outpatient treatment, he showed up to report and was drunk. He of course said he had drank the night before, but his eyes were glazed over. I looked at him and asked him if this is what he wanted. Did he really want to spend the rest of his life drunk and stoned all the time, living with other people, never having anything to show for? I knew he had some anger issues, parents never really supported him and he had a brother who was his partner in crime. I tried to play hard ball with him and tell him if he didn't care I would just go ahead and send him to the pen. I did tell him that day, that I thought it wasn't too late to turn his life around. He put his head down and said I will beat this. I told him I thought he needed treatment. He told me he could do it on his own, if I would just give him a chance. I told him no. If I take a chance on you, it will be with professional help, in a long term facility. Keep in mind, when I say long term, the maximum amount of time allowed because of funding issues is no more than 12 months. 12 months doesn't even begin to get through a third of some of their issues that have them addicted. He got mad at me and left. I went down and talked with the Sheriff who thought it would be a good idea to send him to treatment and get him out of Panhandle. With the support of the Sheriff, I began looking for treatment for this young man. Found him treatment and told him I had found a place for him. He turned himself in and two weeks later was on his way to treatment. Nine months later, he comes into my office. He successfully completed treatment. I wish I would have taken a before and after picture. He looks so healthy. He asked me why people keep saying that to him? I said you don't have sores on you, your eyes are clear and you have weight on. He just smiled from ear to ear. He still has a long road ahead of him for staying sober, but at least he has the groundwork for him to start over. He did ask me what I saw that made me take a chance on him. I said that there was something there that my gut was telling me was saveable. So yea, my job does have a lot of bad days, but the good out weigh the bad so much more. That little feel of victory is what keeps me going.

My job

Every day I come to my job knowing what I am dealing with. Today is no different. I handle all of the female defendant's who live here in Childress County. My job is not always easy, and this I know. I know there will be those that I want to succeed when they don't want to and then those who finally do overcome. A couple of years ago, right after Ryan and I met, was my first hard day. I had been at the office and a girl (I say girl because she has the maturity level of a girl) comes in with two of her three children at the time. The baby had soured milk in his bottle, was dirty and just about to fall asleep. The other toddler was just a filthy and tired. We arrested the mother that day and the children were given to her grandmother who had her oldest son. My heart was heavy that day because to see those children, who were neglected just so their mom could get her high. Innocent children.

Today, I went looking for one of my girls. I found her and her children at home. The children sleep on a fold-away bed in the living room. The mom's bedroom door is locked. The youngest child happens to be in Tanner's class, and he is a good kid. He is also the one who answered the door. He tried three times to get his mom up. I finally had to go to the door and bang on the door and told her I needed to talk to her. She gets up and what I see, just disgusts me. She has lost even more weight since the last time I saw her a week ago, she has sores on her arms and looks like a meth head, eyes sucken in, all of it. She said please don't tell my kids. The sad part is, I don't have to tell the kids, they know just by the way she acts that she is back on drugs. My heart is heavy right now and I can't get those boys out of my head. I wrestle with what to do. Not as far as my job goes, but as far as being a parent. I want so bad to take those kids in and give them things I know they will never have, but because of my job, I can't take those kids. I have to let someone else take them and hope they are taken care of. These few instances are heavy to deal with. These are the times when you see the kids suffer. They have no choice, no voice and no one to stand up for them at home.

Funny things

A few things funny things have happened since my last blog. My children and husband never cease to amaze me. That is the part I love the best!! If they ever stop amazing me, I know I am in trouble.

Ella, who is trying to find her way around and be her own person, loves to mimic what everyone else does. Tanner is starting to get a little annoyed because his sister does everything he does. Sunday, we are at my in-laws having Ella's birthday lunch with them (they are gone when she has her birthday so we have to do one before they leave for Colorado).That night she wanted to spend the night at Nesey's house, because Nesey has her cake and homemade ice keem (ice cream). She even went as far as climbing in Nesey's bed with the covers. But while we are there, she keeps saying "No monster at Nesey house." How does she know about monsters? And why would they be at Nesey's house? I finally get her home and before she went to bed Sunday night, we had to check under everyones bed to make sure there were no monsters under the bed!!

Before we fixed supper Sunday night, Tanner and I were at home, I had some laundry and he just wanted away from his sister. It is time to go and we decide we will walk to their house. Tanner thinking he is so much faster than I am (I guess he thinks I am old!) opens his mouth and says, bet I can beat you. Well, being the wise mother I am, told him I bet you can't. He takes off running and I let him get to the corner of the block before I take off. I pass him and as I pass him, he tries to take me out!! He literally ran into me to get me to stop so he could win!! We make it to the corner of the second block and he now realizes that I am going to beat him and he says, "Wait mom, I need to breathe, I can't breathe." I continue on my little run to my parents and yes, I win. I know, I could have easily let him win, but to see the look on his face was priceless. He couldn't believe I could run and in flip flops.

Yesterday, my mom, Ella, Tanner and myself all went to Amarillo to go birthday shopping for Ella. Tanner gets in the car and tells me he forgot his portable dvd player and his dvd's. I let him out at the house and go get my mom. I go back to the house to pick him up and he has his arms full of his Godzilla dvd's. I said Tanner, I don't think you need the entire boxed set of Godzilla dvd's. He says "Mom, you said it was a two hour trip" How dumb of me to think that a 10 hour set of Godzilla dvd's would be too much!!

Then, my wonderful, loving husband tries to tell me that he "found" 20 t-shirts in the back of his office!! All of them happen to be Childress athletic t-shirts. Hmm. T-shirts that have 2003, 2004. Hmm...you found them you say? Or did someone bring them to you? He is so proud that he now has an additional 20 t-shirts that he can wear! He even had a whole blank spot in his closet that was calling his name to put those shirts!! As if we don't have enough. He did tell me he would let me have 1 (O-N-E!) I thought that was very generous!!(You can imagine the eye rolling). He is just as proud as punch though!!

Every day I count my blessings...the things for which I am the most grateful. My husband and kids are at the top every night before I go to bed. I love to see what new things they do the next day whether it's funny or sad.

Torn

Yesterday was a bad day for me for many reasons of which I will not go in to. Bless my husband for putting up with me. I love him dearly and he has been my rock in a time when I need him. Anyway, last night after Ryan and I went by our rent house and smelled what I am going to have to clean, our ex-tenant showed up to pick up his brooms and vacuum cleaner, which neither were obviously used. I was a little fearful that my husband would soon be arrested for assault once the guy opened his mouth. I had a few words with him myself and told him he either pay for the damages or he can speak with our attorney!! Finally he leaves and we (Ryan, Ella and I) head to my parents to give my dad the keys. All the way over to my parents house Ella is saying "Dog piss" "It smell ike dog piss momma" I was trying hard not to laugh. At least she didn't pick up on the f bombs Ryan dropped or when I told Charles just to shut the hell up. I tell dad that he is gone and I am going to have to tear carpet out of the living room as well as paint all the rooms. Dad wanted to say something, I could tell, and didn't know how to say it, except come right out and say it. He has someone in another town wanting him to apply for a job. The company tried to fill the job internally, but no one had the qualifications. The head guy told his person, who would be over my dad, to tell dad to apply for the job. He did, and I know he will more than likely get it. It will require my parents to move. I'm torn over the fact that I am so happy for my dad, but HATE to see my parents leave. My mom and I have built a good relationship over the past 7 years. I hate to see her leave, not that it will affect anything, but I will miss her terribly as well as my dad. My dad will at least get benefits again, and they will be closer to my sister. I'm happy for them, but me being selfish, I don't want to see them go. It is hard to imagine that 7 years have gone, and all of the things that have happened in those years. They have helped my family so much when they knew we needed it. I know they will continue to do it, even though they won't be here. But it is still hard. I know, I am a big momma's baby. But I now understand, now that I am older, how much I value my friendship and my relationship with my mom and dad. I know several people who have not had the luxury of having their parents live so close. I also know that I will see them again and when we do, it will be all the sweeter to see them. It's not like they are moving 10,000 miles away or I'm not going to be able to talk to them. But I will miss being able to see my mom and dad every day. At least they won't be woke up early on Saturday mornings anymore from my kids calling wanting them to come over or to go with us to eat breakfast! They will be able to sleep late on Saturday!! Maybe I need to move with them so I can sleep late on Saturday!!


A note that I forgot to add while I was blogging. My parents and I have always had a good relationship. It hasn't been an easy one and at times I was frustrated with it. It hasn't been until the last 4 to 5 years that our relationship is what it is now. I need to thank my husband for that, because really until he came along, I did not see what I was missing out on. Thank you Ryan!

Memories

Ryan and I had a garage sale on Saturday and we had a box that I did not get to go through completely. It was a box that his mom had taken out of her building and told me it was Ryan's and to take it home. As any good daughter-in-law, I did. Sunday night, I was trying to clean up the house and that was one of the things I was trying to get rid of. Ryan told me just to throw the box away, there was nothing in it he wanted. I, on the other hand saw lots of stuff that I knew he had not thought about it a while. I did toss out a few things, like his boxer shorts (?), his old garter from an ex (I asked before I tossed!!), and a few other things. A couple of things that we did keep were some old video games. As we dug deeper we found his prized "Star Wars" belt. He was so excited he tried to put it on. Classic! He was a little upset that it wouldn't fit?! His face just lit up that his belt was in the box. Of course, he also found his head band that he bought and told me the story. He kept digging in the box and I asked him why, he was looking for the matching wrist bands! It was awesome though to see his face light up at the memories that were in that box. My hope is I keep the things that will light my kids faces up one day and tell their kids the stories behind those momentos like Ryan did on Sunday. So, yes, I am keeping lots of stuff that I probably shouldn't, but oh well!! I will let the kids throw it away when the time comes.